Should your other children attend your next birth?
By this point you are a veteran of childbirth, and you are considering having one or more of your children attend your next birth. What should you know and consider before having them there at your birth?
Does your older child want to be there?
You know that frustration you get when you are desperately trying to get your child to pick up their room or get ready to leave the house? When a toddler/preschool decides they don’t want to do something it takes a lot of patience and parenting to get them to see the wisdom of what you are asking. Now imagine the frustration you feel happening during your labor. Simply ask your child if they want to be present at the birth of their sibling. If they say no, respect that decision.
Educate them on what birth will be like.
Labor can be unsettling to watch if you have never seen it before and you don’t know what to expect. Add to that new experience the fact that it is your mom acting in a way you have probably never seen and image how you would feel. Show your child videos of birth, talk to them about the sounds, smells and emotions they will experience. Normalize the process so when they are in the moment it isn’t something completely foreign.
Hire a Doula!
A professional doula can act as their support person during the labor. This is very common at a home birth and can easily translate into a hospital birth. The doula will meet with your family a couple times prior to the birth, help you talk to your children about birth and be there during the labor to help them understand what is happening. A professional doula that has built a relationship with your family prior to the birth can help gauge your child’s comfort and your own during the birth. A trip down to the cafeteria or a walk outside may be in order! Hiring a doula over having a friend or family member there ensures that you will have someone on-call that is familiar with birth, working at long labors and is only there to help you achieve the birth you desire.
Have distractions readily available.
Labor can be long. If you are having your baby in the hospital prepare a bag for them that includes quiet activities that will occupy them until the big moment arrives. Have food they are familiar with and love on hand!
Have them there only at the end of labor.
While this may be harder to predict, you can have them wait with a friend, relative or doula until the birth is close.
Consider the age and personality of your children.
Is your toddler a natural helper? Are they very clingy or extremely outgoing in new situations? If you are giving birth in a hospital, are they scared of doctors or hospitals? Have them attend the hospital tour with you and pay attention to their reaction.
It is equally important to know that you may change your mind, or your child may change their mind about attending the birth- that is perfectly okay. Each labor is unique; be flexible and gentle with yourself and your expectations.
Special thank you to Amanda DeAngelis of Nine Birth Childbirth Services for her contributions to this post! You rock Amanda.
