On my birth plan for my son I added a quick note about how I didn’t want anyone posting on Facebook until my husband and I were ready to share our big news. I wanted people to respect that this was our news to share and not to diminish it by posting something before we were ready. I also wanted to be in control of what was shared and to whom. Later in the fall I hosted a doula training where the topic of social media came up again and I was reminded how small the world really is.

Because social media is a great way to reach our clients and potential clients (either as photographers or doulas) it makes sense to want to remind them we  are here, doing something we love and are privileged to be part of. We are excited! But the more births I attend the more I realize what a small world this has become because of social media.

I have decided to stop posting when I am on my way to a birth or that I just captured a beautiful birth or that a gorgeous baby has just joined us.

This is not my news to share. Imagine the mom who told her friends that she just hired an amazing photographer and/or doula, and like we hope as savvy business professionals, her friends go and “like” our Facebook page or start following us on Twitter or Instagram. By posting that you are at a birth gives the whole world a heads-up to this incredibly intimate moment that the family may not be ready to share. People are smart, they can connect the dots.

This is not about you and your experience at their birth.

I totally get it, check out my Facebook page and you will see all sorts of mentions about births I was on my way to or just witnessed. I am excited, I want to share it with the world! Repeat after me: This is not my birth. This is not my time. We are invited into this sacred space to witness a miracle. We aren’t there to be their spokesperson, impress fellow birth workers, or promote the work we do. There is a time and place for all of that – not at the birth.

My new rules for social media at birth

1. Wait. Wait until the baby is born and they have had time to enjoy their new baby.

2. Wait some more. Unfortunately, the birth may not go as they had hoped or there were complications. Posting how beautiful the birth is and then having something go wrong can be difficult or hurtful when/if the parents decide to tell their birth story.

3. Simply ask permission if I can share. This can be difficult because you never want to interrupt a laboring mom with questions that affect your social media and not her birth experience. Asking permission is best done after the baby is born or before she starts active labor. Be ready for them to say, “No thank you.”

This is what now works for me and what I would expect at my own birth.