After finishing up a beautiful newborn session with first-time parents this weekend I received a text from the mom saying she was sorry not being more talkative and upbeat. I am no longer surprised how often I hear talk like this from new parents. I am quick to dismiss their apologies, trying to reassure them that this is totally normal and if they weren’t tired, emotional, confused, or able to have an highly intellectual conversation immediately postpartum I would be concerned.
Becoming a mother changed me more than I could ever had expected. I wanted, and thought I would be able to do it all. Give birth, and then give birth a second, third, and forth time while trying to take care of my other children, keep a clean house, get something on the table every freaking night for dinner, care for a newborn, try and maintain friendships, lose all evidence that I had grown a child in my body, show my husband that I still love and need him, start a new business, and also get a good night sleep – seems totally reasonable (snort). Becoming a mother was a quick crash course in letting go. I let go of friends that required me to do most of the heavily lifting, jobs that made me feel like a horrible employee because I couldn’t be the last one out of the office at night, of Martha Stewart inspired meals and housekeeping.
Learning how to take care of these new human beings is daunting. Add in loads of “expert” instruction manuals in blogs, books, Facebook groups, family members, friends, and doctors and you will quickly learn that everyone had an opinion on how you should be raising your child. My advice to you is learn who your child is, find sources you trust and will listen to you, and overtime you will develop a parenting strategy/philosophy/sense of humor that works best for you. Only you will know what that is and if it works for your family.
Along with the expectations that a new baby should barely change who you are or how your family looks to the outside world, don’t forget the guilt that is also heaved on new parents. The phrase “You are going to miss this!” is said by well-meaning people to try and highlight how parenting is all pretty much downhill from this newborn/infant/toddler/etc. stage. Parents of newborns feel like they are in some kind of secret military training program where they learn how to survive with sleep deprivation, a strange diet of whatever can be fixed with one hand, learning to feed an alien creature that can only communicate with body language and crying, and emotions that can give any six flags roller coaster a run for its money.
Instead of cringe-worthy phrase “You are going to miss this.” I prefer “Remember this.” I am going to tell you a secret, you might not actually miss this. You might love not nursing for 45 minutes every two hours, or waking every two hours, or not recognizing yourself when you look in a mirror or try and get dressed. By saying “Remember this”, you acknowledge the monumental change that has happened to them and their family. “Remember this” allows them to also look forward to the future of watching their child grow, but lacks the doom and gloom of “You are going to miss this!”
Maybe that is why I love newborn photography so much, especially lifestyle and documentary photography. They capture you where you are right now, honestly, beautifully, and thoughtfully. A photo of Dad changing a diaper may not be the stuff of holiday cards and designer kids’ clothes catalog; but I know for a fact that one day that family will look at the photo and remember that time. They will remember the fog they were trying to navigate in. They will remember that tiny little newborn, and see how far they have come as their child grows and so do they. It will make them feel something- maybe nostalgia, maybe they are ready for another, maybe relief they are no longer there.
The newborn phase is so fast and in other ways the longest days of your life. Embrace this time as it is. It is messy, exhausting, confusing, and also incredibly beautiful and short. Surround yourself with people that support this time and change and don’t expect you to be the exact same person you were prior to bringing home a baby. Honor this time, and all the times that are ahead on your parenting journey. Remember this.
Sarah Boccolucci is a maternity, birth, newborn, and family photographer. She serves Fort Collins, Loveland, Boulder, Denver, and the surrounding areas.
For the past 11 years, I have been working to create a full-time, profitable photography…